How It Happened
by Faerlas
Summary: Legolas was in love with an elfmaid named Celebros, then she died? And... so did he? From Legolas to Captain Obvious, this is How It Happened! I accept anonymous reviews. R&R! COMPLETE! Reviews always welcome!
1. Should I Stay or Should I Go?

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Lord of the Rings or any characters, people, or places therein. Celebros is my character! Any similarities in this story to anything that has actually happened, or anyone you know is purely coincidental.

_Authors note: Hehehehe, yes you read it right, a Tragedy/humor fanfic. This is pretty stinkin' close to the height of my evil and twisted nature. I am probably going with this where I ought not, and I don't care! NO FLAMES PLEASE! But feel free to say I'm evil and sadistic, as long as you follow it up with a "this story is soo good!" or something like. _:D _This is gong to be a ficlet compared to The Forgotten! Hehehehehehe! I hope you all enjoy it anyway!_

**PLEASE TAKE NOTE:** This story is not like The Forgotten, it is not so continuous or flowing. It is rather disjointed and it skips quite a bit, thus it is imperative that you all read the notes I make!They are made for a reason in this story! Thank you!

_**All replies to reviews have been removed so this story isn't deleted. Thanks to you that did review!**_

_**Description**:_

_The idea to have Legolas become Captain Obvious came from somewhere, besides the scriptwriters heads. This is the tale of how Legolas really did become Captain Obvious. With out further ado, Half a League Parodies and EvilWriter Drama presents: _

**HOW IT HAPPENED**

**Should I Stay or Should I Go?**

_Legolas is in Rivendell, the Fellowship has been formed, and his fiancee Celebros is there with him..._

"Legolas, please! Let me go with you! I beg thee to let me go with you!" Celebros pleaded. Her beautiful green eyes pleading with him earnestly.

"Celebros, darling, _mel nin_, you know I have no say in the matter! Lord Elrond formed the Fellowship, not I," he said gently resting his hands on her shoulders. "Besides, I fear that something shall happen to you if you do go."

"Yes, something may happen to me, something shall happen to everyone that goes on this mission. It does not mean that the something is bad! You know this! I know you do not want me to go, but I am quite skilled with bow and with sword, you know this. I can defend myself! Please, ask Lord Elrond if he will permit me to go. That is all I ask of you," she replied. The begging look in her eyes was quite persuasive, but when combined with her eloquent speaking, it was deadly.

Legolas mustered his will against the subtle attack and said, "No my love. I cannot in good conscious go to Lord Elrond and ask him to send my fiancee with me on a dangerous quest! That would be murder! It is suicide for me to go!"

Celebros sighed and hung her blonde head slightly. "Very well. I shall bother you no more about it."

She hugged him and he hugged her, the matter seemed resolved. She was a strong willed elfmaid, but when force was applied, she would yield. For that he was grateful.

Suddenly, a messenger came up and Legolas was called away to see Aragorn and Gandalf. Celebros watched him walk away, and once out of sight, she went off in search of Lord Elrond.

She pled her case with him, and was given flat denial. She knew that she needed to go, not for Legolas' sake, but she knew that she absolutely needed to go. At least, that is how it seemed to her. She was becoming rebellious and crafty in her old age, for she resolved upon denial of Lord Elrond that she would trail the Fellowship until they were quite some ways from Rivendell, then she would let herself be known unto them. If they would not let her go, then she would go on her own!

Suddenly, a counter thought came to her, what if Legolas was so displeased by her following them that he broke off their engagement. No, that could never happen, she could not allow it. She voided her resolution on the spot and decided that she really ought not go after all.

A few weeks went by, and then she was summoned to the Lord Elrond's study.

"You summoned me Lord Elrond?" she asked after bowing low.

"I did Celebros. After you came to me a few weeks ago, I was compelled to look into your future, and I saw you at a stronghold of the kingdom of Rohan called Helm's Deep. Then a few seconds later I saw you in Minas Tirith. Thus, I think that you should follow the Fellowship. Since I have already decided that the Fellowship should only be nine, and have chosen them, and I am not about to reverse three orders in one day, I have decided you shall be the tenth follower. You cannot be remembered of course, but you can go as far as you wish and do whatsoever you wish. The only command I place on you is not to get in anyone's way. Understood?"

"Oh yes! YES! Thank you so very much Lord Elrond!" she joyfully cried. She impulsively threw her arms about him and kissed him on the cheek ere she danced down the hall to tell Legolas.

"Lord Elrond said what?" Legolas exclaimed, not believing his ears.

"He said I could go. He said I ought to! And he said he saw me at Minas Tirith, so we can be assured I shall make it that far at least!" she joyfully repeated. She flung her arms around him in a joyful embrace.

Slowly he returned it, bewilderment and surprise was written on his face and permeated his slow return of the embrace. "I am glad I suppose. If you shall make it to Minas Tirith, then there you shall be rather safe," he said, more to himself than her. The more he dwelt on it however, the gladder he was that he would have at least a little more time with her, should one of them die.

It was well into winter when the Fellowship left Rivendell, the whole Fellowship knew of her coming along and was surprised by it, but thought that Elrond knew best.

_Authors note: I told you this wasn't like The Forgotten! The chapters are short, quite short! I hope you enjoyed it anyway. REVIEW please!_


	2. An Arrow and A Nerve

Disclaimer: I DO own Lord of the Rings! I'll sell it to you with a bridge in Brooklyn that I also happen to own...(If you are believing any of this, then I am also the President of the United States and I own Ford Motor Company, New Line Cinema, and the country of England...) I'm kidding! I don't own anything okay! NOTHING!

_Authors note: Alrighty then! Fast forward to Meduseld, just prior to Helm's Deep. I told you this was moving fast! Don't worry, from here on out is a little more fluid, just bear with me and you may be rewarded._

_RESPONSES AT THE BOTTOM!_

**HOW IT HAPPENED**

**An Arrow and A Nerve**

Theoden King commanded all his horsemen to mount and they were all to ride off for Helm's Deep that very day. Legolas and Celebros mounted their borrowed horses and rode off with Gandalf, Eomer, and Aragorn.

As they rode Eomer said to Aragorn, "I still cannot believe the tales you tell me of that elfmaid Celebros. You say she slew three wolves, and ten orcs in Moria? But she looks so delicate and lady like!"

"Believe it good Eomer," Aragorn said. "Under that gentle exterior beats the heart of a fierce warrior. I dare say she could be a match for you in a battle."

"Well we shall see how good she truly is in battle won't we," Eomer replied grimly.

Celebros was riding off, still enjoying the fact she was in leggings and a tunic not a dress. Unorthodox though it was, she decided she preferred the leggings to dresses.

They reached Helm's Deep and she stood next to Legolas, gazing out from the wall.

"Are you sure you wish to fight this night?" Legolas quietly asked.

"Quite sure," she firmly replied.

"Then you are forsaking your last chance to go into the safety of the caves?"

"Yes. After Moria, I never want to see the inside of a mountain again!" she seriously answered. Legolas laughed, even though it was not meant to be a jest.

"I am of the same mind," he said.

Before the battle began, Legolas and Celebros found themselves amongst the archers, waiting for the order to fire. Suddenly it was given and the battle commenced.

The ladders started coming up to the wall, and suddenly everyone was surrounded by orcs and Uruk-hai. Celebros fought wonderfully, killing many. Suddenly, an archer shot an arrow that found its way into her side, and she fell to the ground just as a lull in fighting began. Legolas rushed over to her.

"CELEBROS!" he cried as he fell by her prostrate form. An evil orc arrow was sticking out of her. Her eyes were wide open and unseeing, her breath faint, hardly there at all. Suddenly he was struck with a horrible, terrible thought. She was going to die.

"Legolas I think..." Celebros weakly said.

He stopped her. "Do not speak my love. Do not speak! I shall take you out of harms way. Be still _mel nin_! Do not die! You must not!" he pleaded with her.

She focused only on breathing. Legolas picked her up and carried her off to the Glittering Caves. He stayed by her, holding her hand and begging her not to die as tears began to fall. Suddenly it seemed as if her breath ceased, and he thought, "she must be dead. Elrond was wrong. She must be dead." His will to live shattered like thin glass. But being the warrior that he was, he forced himself to pull himself together and said farewell to his love. "_Namarië Celebros mel nin_. I may join you yet in death!" He kissed her yet warm hand and left her, knowing he had a duty to do, and sitting around and mourning her loss was not an option.

He turned his sadness to anger and fought fiercely in the battle, killing many. Once it was over, and the sun had dawned, he was approached by Aragorn.

"Legolas, I assume you know of Celebros, she's..."

Legolas stopped her. "I know." He sounded sad and remorseful and was slightly upset that Aragorn did not sound as distraught as he thought he should.

"Oh, well, if you wanted to stay here or..."

"Why? To stay would be pointless and to go home faithless. No, I must keep going. Besides, there is nothing more I can do here. I am fine." Legolas gazed out before him with eyes unfocused. To say nothing mattered to him would be false, somethings yet mattered to him, the safety of Middle-earth being towards the top, but all personal concerns were now gone with the death of his love Celebros. He had nothing to live for now save duty. He felt like his heart had died with her, and he wished only to perform his tasks then die. Or die while performing them.

"As you wish," Aragorn replied. Again, his tone was not as mournful as Legolas thought necessary.

"Then again, he yet has Arwen," Legolas thought.

They rode off to Isengard, and Legolas did not pay attention to anything about him. Parleying with the enemy seemed only a courteous exercise he must endure.

The night Pippin looked in the palantir, Legolas was not even aware of what was going on, only mourning the loss of his love. It seemed like he was in a perpetual wakeful sleep, doing actions like they were not more but reflexes, not thinking about anything, just doing. Aragorn pitied his friend, but whenever he approached him about it Legolas would only say, "I do not wish to speak of her." and the matter was ended.

When the Grey Company joined them, Elladan and Elrohir noted the horrible change in their friend's countenance immediately. Aragorn told them the story and they began to understand.

One day, during all of this, something in Legolas finally snapped. Perhaps it was the last nerve that we all refer to, but seldom ever truly reach that keeps us all sane, or something similar to sanity. Perhaps it was his will, none know, but whatever it was, it snapped, and thoroughly!

Though Legolas was unwilling to talk with Aragorn, or the Sons of Elrond, it does not mean he was unwilling to talk. Slowly everyone realized he was mumbling apparently to himself, but they could never catch the words he was saying.

His grief and the snapping was so complete, that it came to the point where the word dead or anything related to death was forbidden to be spoken. Suddenly, the Paths of the Dead became the Paths of the Cursed Folk.

As the Grey Company wandered through the Paths of the Cursed Folk, they thought they heard the murmur of the Dead following, but it was Legolas mumbling to himself.

"She's gone forever. There is naught left for me but to be alone and lament and grieve for her," Legolas mumbled to himself one day, while on the ships of the enemy and sailing to Minas Tirith. Suddenly he whipped an arrow out of his quiver and held it close to his face, as if examining it thoroughly. "You need a name. But what name? I know! LaFawnda. You look like you should be named LaFawnda. Yes, that is a good name! A very good name! What? You do not like it! Well that is to bad, for that is your name! Look! Your tip is pointy. It must be the pointy tip of the arrow!"

Aragorn heard him babbling to himself and began to realize to what extent Celebros impacted him. He decided he must confront him.

"Legolas my friend! How are you?" Aragorn cheerily greeted, trying to hide his fear of his friends strange behavior.

"I am as well as can be expected Aragorn. Have you met my new friend LaFawnda?" he asked holding up the arrow to Aragorn's face. Well, he sounded sane, despite the words he was uttering.

Aragorn bent back a little and looked at. "Yes, quite a lovely arrow. Legolas, we must talk! You are taking things far too hard! There is no reason you should be acting this way just because Celebros..."

He was not permitted to finish his sentence because at that name Legolas broke into sobs.

"I am sorry my friend, but you must listen to me," Aragorn said putting an arm around his crying friend.

"No! I wish to hear no more about her! How dare you accuse me of taking things to hard! I do have a good reason for acting this way! You do not understand!" he cried.

Aragorn gave a frustrated sigh. Why was his friend acting this way? Why had he suddenly gone mad? It made no sense, he said he wanted to go on and that he was fine, but his actions were screaming otherwise.

Legolas tore away from his friend and went to have a good cry in his room on ship.

_Authors note: MWAHAHAHAHA! I am the epitome of all evil! Okay, so I'm not. Poor Legolas! Do not worry, as I said, this fanfic is not long. I just hope you all don't barbecue me over it! I swear to you all, if you only keep reading you shall be rewarded!_


	3. The Riddle Begins Unraveling

Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings.

_Authors note: Again, we skip to after Pelennor Fields. Everyone is up in the citadel of Minas Tirith, like the movie, trying to decide what to do. _

**HOW IT HAPPENED**

**The Riddle Begins Unraveling**

"It's only a matter of time," Gandalf said. "He's suffered a defeat yes, but behind the walls of Mordor the enemy is regrouping. As Gandalf spoke Legolas pulled out another arrow and began studying it intently.

"No, there is still hope for Frodo, he needs time and safe passages across the plains of Gorgoth. We can give him that," Aragorn said. Legolas thoughts for a few seconds he were brought to his surroundings.

"How?" Gimli asked.

"Draw out Sauron's armies, empty his lands. Then we gather our full strength and march on the Black Gate. We can give frodo his chance if we keep sauron's eye fixed on us, blind to all else that moves."

"A deeveeeerssssiooooon!" Legolas said in a simply moronic voice. He turned his attention back to his new arrow friend. "What shall I call you? What shall I call you?"

Eomer looked at Legolas wide eyed and slightly afraid. He went up to Aragorn and whispered, "Is he all right? He seems absolutely mad!"

"Don't worry!" Aragorn said. "He's fine. He has been this way since Helm's Deep and his fiancee was wounded. I think he thinks she's dead," Aragorn said.

"But she is not! I saw her at Meduseld just before I left. She looked a little pale, but she seemed as if she would recover."

"I know that, and you know that, but he doesn't know that."

"You should tell him!" Eomer exclaimed in a whisper. He was in disbelief at Aragorn's apparent cruelty.

"I tried! I have tried many times, but every time he says he doesn't want to talk about it and refuses to listen anymore," Aragorn explained.

"I see. Well, before I left I said she should be sent here, so sooner or later she shall come here. Perhaps in time for him to see her ere we go off to battle. If not, we my have to tell him he has to stay behind," Eomer said.

"There shall be no such luck, I tried getting him to stay at Helm's Deep, I tried convincing him to stay at Meduseld before I went on the Paths of the Dead, but he insists on coming," Aragorn said in exasperation.

"YAY! YOOLIE! I shall name you Yoolie!" Legolas suddenly exclaimed. Gandalf sighed and shook his head, Gimli only grunted. Eomer looked on in horror.

"Are you sure he is fine?" Eomer asked. "He has just named his arrow Yoolie!"

"Well, it's not as bad as what he named his last one," Aragorn replied.

"And what was that?" Eomer asked.

"LaFawnda," Aragorn simply replied.

"LAFAWNDA! He named his arrow LaFawnda and you refuse to lock him up in a room until he comes to his senses!" Eomer exclaimed rather loudly.

"Shush Eomer! You bother Yoolie with your yelling," Legolas said calmly. "Look Yoolie! You have feathers. Feathers are from birds. Birds can fly, in the sky. For the sky is where birds fly. And birds have feathers. You have feathers, and you can fly. But only when I shoot you from my arrow..."

Eomer gawked at Legolas wide eyed and in fear. "Do not let him come near me until he comes back to his senses!" he said. "I had a great uncle act like him once, At first he just muttered incoherently, then he began talking to random objects, then, then he went on off on a frenzied killing spree. That is when he joined the Wild men and became their leader."

Everyone, save Legolas looked at him quizzically.

"It is true!" Eomer said. "Why do you think the Wild Men became in league with Saruman? My great uncle did it as a way to get revenge on my father and his family for accidently killing his horse in battle," Eomer explained.

"I do not think we have to worry about Legolas killing us, seeing as an orc killed his love," Aragorn said.

A few days later, after much debate amongst his friends, Legolas was permitted to go to battle at the Black Gate. All through Ithilien Legolas babbled to his arrow. Eomer tried, repeatedly to tell Legolas Celebros wasn't dead, but to avail. Each time Legolas refused to listen, and even once began to weep.

They reached the Black Gate and instead of preparing for battle, Legolas found a nice, out of the way, slag hill to perch himself upon. As the battle raged below him, he looked up at the foul smoke above him curling and swirling around above him. As he gazed at the brownish black smoke he spoke to his arrows Yoolie and LaFawnda.

"Look LaFawnda, that smoke curl looks like an Oliphant. I killed an oliphant on Pelennor Fields. And look Yoolie! That one looks like a bird. Birds fly, in the air. That is where birds fly. And look there! That one reminds me of... of... Celebros!" he cried just before he began to weep uncontrollably. His cry ended about the same time the battle did, and he dejectedly rode back to Minas Tirith.

_Authors note: Hehehehe, there is only one more chapter to go! Can you believe it! This sordid tale is almost over! I told you it was fast and short!_


	4. Reunion

Disclaimer: For the last time this fanfic! I do not own Lord of the Rings!

_Authors note: The last chapter! YAY FOR ME!_

**HOW IT HAPPENED**

**Reunion**

Aragorn, Eomer, Gandalf, and Gimli had given up even trying to tell him Celebros yet lived, he would not listen. Gimli even said it once before the elf could say he wouldn't listen. Legolas called him a liar and threatened to kill him if he said such a terrible lie again.

They reached Minas Tirith and Aragorn looked up to see a figure standing upon the citadel. Before he could convince Legolas to look up, she was gone, so he said nothing. They reached the city and climbed the seven levels. They dismounted and as they reached the citadel, Legolas saw what he mistook for a phantom.

"Celebros, no. It is but a phantasm," Legolas said.

"No, I am no phantasm. Legolas, come to me!" Celebros said. She was confused. What was going on? She did not know any of what had befallen her love. "Come to me dearest!" Celebros pleaded.

"No. If you are Celebros and not some cruel ghost, then you come to me!" Legolas demanded. He had been tortured by her death, he was not about to be bated by a ghost or his minds own tricks.

She was so confused. "Do you not love me anymore?" she asked as she took a step forward.

"I love Celebros, and if you are her, then I love you. But if you are some evil ghost or phantasm, then I shall have nothing to do with you," Legolas firmly said.

Everyone watched, not daring to breathe. Oh how his friends hoped she would come. She drew closer and closer until she was only a few inches away. Legolas slowly raised his hand to her face. He hesitated, his hand only an inch away from her fair cheek. He swallowed hard, took a deep breath, then let his hand touch her cheek. Praise Elbereth! She was real! He was so overjoyed that the moment his hand came in contact with her face, he wrapped her in his arms and covered her in fervent kisses.

"You're alive! You're alive!" he said in between kisses.

She was confused, but glad he finally thought she was real at any rate. What was going on? Everyone was glad that he was apparently cured, and they left him alone with his love Celebros.

Later, when Legolas was in another room, Aragorn explained to Celebros what had occurred after she was wounded. Afterwards she faithfully pledged not to breathe a word of it to Legolas.

Years later, Celebros and Legolas were married, and lived happily together ever after.

One day, when Aragorn was getting quite old, he recalled the incident and in his private memoirs and recorded Legolas' strange behavior during the War of the Ring.

Thousands of years later, Tolkien found Bilbo's Red Book, but Peter Jackson and Fran Walsh found Aragorn's memoirs and thus, the world was reintroduced to Legolas, Captain Obvious.

**THE END**

_Authors note: I think this tale was funnier in theory than in actual telling. I hope you all can forgive me for being so cruel to Legolas. PLEASE!  
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